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Self-Control Isn't What You Think It Is

by David Matranga on September 23, 2019

Self-Control Isn’t What You Think It Is
 
by David Matranga

How many times have you done something that you hate, that you don’t want to do but you can’t seem to break the habit? Or maybe there’s something you want to do but always fall short.

Yeah, me too. I still bite my nails and I hate it. Devotions took years and years for me to get down. I could give you a list, if you wanted.

We can all relate to the struggle, but I’m convinced that part of the problem is how we think of self-control. We think of it as a life of rigid rules with no fun, no sex, no sugar, etc. It’s discouraging at times because we can be really bad at turning down an opportunity. You see, we think of self-control as the supernatural ability to say “no,” that it means avoiding something, turning things down. And while there is an element of truth to that, I want to suggest a more accurate definition:

Self-Control is saying yes to the most important things and not letting anything else get in the way. It isn’t avoiding things as much as it is putting ourselves in the right position to receive what the Lord has for us.

As Douglas Wilson says, “God gave Adam and Eve a perfect garden: there was a world full of yes, and there was only one no.”

Just like Adam and Eve, we are really good at focusing on that “no.”

But in the same way that fasting should be more about what we gain spiritually than what we lose physically, self-control is saying yes to God’s riches and no to Satan’s vain imitations.

Self-control is a road with guard rails, not a roadblock. The idea is to show you the way to life, to keep you on track to a stronger walk with the Lord. Ultimately, it helps you get to where He wants to take you, with less problems.

It’s About More Than Just Ourselves

Self-control cannot be only about us, because if we strive for success at the cost of others, it will only lead to hollowness and vanity. Sir Alec Paterson puts it this way, “O God, help us to be masters of ourselves that we may be servants of others.”

Control is never really lost – either you will control yourself, or someone or something else will control you. Keeping this in mind, self-control is not about self-torture; it ensures that we are not ruled by carnal urges and shifting, unreasonable emotions.

How to Have Self-Control

1. Have a strong purpose.

The greater the purpose, the easier it is to accomplish your goal. Don’t just focus on what you’re trying not to do – keep the end goal in mind and the reason. It’s a lot easier to make the right choices when you remember that the rewards are significant and/or the consequences are substantial.

Application: Write down the purpose for what you are trying to accomplish, loud and clear, and remind yourself often.

2. Recognize Your Need for Jesus

We are not capable of real self-control without God. We’re flawed creatures, and it’s only by grace that we can have the fruit of the Spirit. Have you involved Jesus in your attempts to follow Him?

Application: Invite the Lord into the process, and beware of teachings that make it all about you.

3. Willpower Is a Muscle. Practice Using It and Know How It Works.

 According to sociologist and professor Bradley Wright, who was interviewed in Drew Dyck’s book Your Future Self Will Thank You, willpower is like a muscle. Practicing using it makes it stronger. Your willpower can also be strained or depleted. Willpower fades with:

  • Use without rest
  • Lack of sleep
  • Lack of good food
  • Stress

Application: Don’t put yourself in a position to need a lot of willpower when you’re tired and used up. Practice using self-control and your capacity will improve.

4. Make Good Habits.

The Bible doesn’t use the word “habit,” but it refers to the idea often when talking about praying without ceasing, meditating day and night, and dwelling on things that are good. The idea is that you put something into your life with regularity so that it would feel odd not to do it.

A habit is an unconscious behavior, something you do so often you don’t have to think about it. The good news is these habits have a collateral effect, making it easier to form other healthy habits.

Choosing “Yes”

I want to leave you with an anecdote from Your Future Self Will Thank You:

In a Greek epic called “Argonautica,” the Argonauts have to sail by the sirens that threatened Odysseus in the Odyssey. You see Odysseus bound himself to the mast of his ship and told his crew to not untie him no matter how much he plead with them. And then he told them to stuff their ears with beeswax so they could not hear the sirens and be tempted. It worked! But the Argonauts take a different approach. They had on board a really good musician named Orpheus. He played a louder and more beautiful song. With the sirens drowned out by a more beautiful song, they sailed without problem.

Self-control is about saying yes to what is good and not letting anything else get in the way.