Loving Difficult People
by Hank Dmochowski
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”
- Matthew 22:36-39
God loves people. The Bible tells us this important truth over and over again. In fact, God loves people so much that he died for us while we were still sinners and enemies of God (Romans 5:8). It’s so important to God that we love people that Jesus listed it as second only to the command to love God.
In theory, this isn’t too difficult, but here’s the trouble: It’s easy to love humanity and hate your brother. God doesn’t tell us to have an abstract love for our species, he says to love our neighbor.
What is a neighbor? By definition, it’s whoever is next to you. Whoever lives next to you, who you work with, who you buy groceries from, etc. Now, the problem with loving your neighbor as opposed to loving humanity, is your neighbor is annoying – at least some of the time. He or she is probably selfish, says the wrong thing from time to time, offensive, takes a lot of patience, maybe they even hate you. People don’t always make it easy for us to love them.
But God, who loved us when we were sinners, tells us to be imitators of Him (1 Corinthians 11:1; Ephesians 5:1).
Remember that God Has Been Patient with You
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
- Ephesians 4:32
It isn’t natural to love someone who is making your life difficult, refuses to listen to reason, or is against you. But in these times when I’m struggling to love, I remember that this used to me towards God. I’ve refused to listen to reason, I’ve been stubborn, and I’ve required extra grace for my sins. God has been merciful, kind, and loving to me, so I ought to humbly keep that in mind as I walk through life with people who are making mistakes, being rude, or just plain being annoying.
You Never Know What Fruit May Come From Steadfast Love
In Acts 15, Paul suggests to Barnabas that they go and check up on the Christians in the cities they had preached. Barnabas wants to take Mark with them, but Paul does not. Mark had abandoned them in Pamphylia – he had done the immature thing and quit on them. Paul didn’t think they should take him, but Barnabas disagreed. Let’s pick up the story in verse 39:
And there occurred such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. But Paul chose Silas and left, being committed by the brethren to the grace of the Lord.
- Acts 15:39-40
Paul was ready to write Mark off, but Barnabas was not ready to give up on him. Even though it caused a temporary rift between him and Paul, Barnabas was willing to take a chance on Mark.
Barnabas saw value in Mark beyond his mistake, beyond his difficulty.
Eventually, we see Paul’s heart toward Mark changed, because in the 2 Timothy 4:11, Paul asks for him, saying that he is useful to him for service. Not to mention that he wrote the Gospel of Mark, which was likely the first of the four gospels written. He ended up having a fruitful ministry after all, despite his mistake.
Mark was a messy person to love, but because Barnabas faithfully loved him and took him under his wing, he was restored such that even Paul commended him.
You never know where God is going to take that difficult person five, ten, or twenty years down the road. Maybe your love, humility, and grace for them now will be what changes his or her life in the future and allows them to grow into a faithful disciple of God.
God didn’t give up on you. He still doesn’t.
Out of gratitude and respect for Him, let’s love the people God has placed in our lives. Even when they’re irritating or irresponsible.
